


six million dollar baby

by duplicity



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Adventures in Babysitting, Bad Puns, Clint Barton is a menace to society, Cuddles, De-Aged Bucky Barnes, Easily the least serious thing I have ever written, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Humor, M/M, Natasha Knows Everything, POV Bucky Barnes, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve and Bucky work out their feelings but not really and not with words, Swearing, Thor is the Baby Whisperer, Trolling, everyone loves babies, lots of nonsense, so many bad puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 01:38:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8351251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duplicity/pseuds/duplicity
Summary: Paused before the vast shelves full of baby products, Steve steals a nervous glance over his shoulder. He can already see the headlines: BABY AMERICA? CAPTAIN ROGERS’ SECRET LOVE CHILD EXPOSED.“You look like you need a hand, Rogers.”Steve jumps about a mile into the air and knocks three packs of baby diapers off the shelf as he whirls to stare at Natasha.“Great,” he says unthinkingly, “Captain America and the Black Widow’s secret love child.”---(In which Bucky becomes Bambi, Steve has tunnel vision, and Clint exercises his First Amendment Right to make bad puns.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> so many hugs and much thanks to Samantha and Kylie for all their invaluable input on this fic;
> 
> shout out to Anna who is number one in my heart forever;
> 
> also thanks to Thu and Natasha for listening to me bitch about the logistics of the metal arm;
> 
> i love you all.
> 
> title is derived from the tv show **[the six million dollar man](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Six_Million_Dollar_Man)** , which is about a man named Steve Austin who basically becomes a crime-fighting cyborg after getting government-sanctioned surgery. hoorah for irony!

“Bucky? Where are you, Bucky?” Steve repeats into the comms, anxiety creeping into his voice. He knows Bucky can handle himself and he’s just being overly paranoid, but that doesn’t stop Steve from breaking into a run and almost tripping on a large calico cat on his way.

He'd been so hesitant about Bucky coming with them on this mission, especially since the theme of human lab experiments hit so close to home. Steve and Natasha had already liberated most of the human captives; Bucky and Barton had gone and zip-tied the lab techs for Hill to cart away.

The Evil Scientist of the Month had apparently seen fit to set loose all the animals in the facility in an attempt to distract them. Steve had been nearly trampled by one irate horse, seven sheep and five small dogs stampeding down the gangway, and they still didn’t know what all these animals were needed for.

Ignoring Natasha’s reassuring remarks, Steve tunes out and ducks into a few more rooms - all empty save for more animals - until he stumbles across another large lab.

The scientist they were tracking, Dr. Whinston, lies still and unmoving from where he slumps on a broken table. He has shallow cuts on his hands and a deep purple bruise on his face. Shattered safety glass and spilled chemicals lay in hazardous amounts all over the ground. There are some broken test tubes laying curiously next to a pile of clothing and tactical gear. But that isn’t what makes Steve’s body go still.

On the floor next to the clothes and gear sits Bucky’s metal arm.

On the floor is Bucky’s metal arm, where it is decidedly not attached to its living, breathing owner.

The room spins and Steve feels light-headed. In the second it takes for him to pull himself together enough to blink, Natasha comes in. Clint is hot on her heels with his arms full of folders and a small parakeet on his shoulder. Steve’s gaze is still fixated on the gleaming metal. Distantly, he realizes he's on the verge of having a panic attack.

Natasha takes a single step into the room and says, “Shit,” and, “Clint go find a blanket.” Steve vaguely notes that Clint dumps his files on a counter and walks off obediently. Natasha turns to him and says, calmly, “Breathe, Rogers.”

Steve takes a breath, choking some air into his lungs. “Bucky--” he says, his heart strangled somewhere in his throat, “Buck--”

Walking forward, Natasha kneels carefully on the ground and uncovers a naked, sleeping baby. Supporting the neck and head, Natasha picks up a little baby boy with two legs, one arm, and one tiny smooth nub. He has soft dark hair and long lashes, small hands and feet.

Steve’s breath leaves his lungs again, this time in a hard whoosh.

“Bucky?” he says, his voice echoing timidly in his own head. He's moved forward without noticing, his hands automatically reaching out the way they always do for that name, the name he'd know in any and every lifetime before he ever learned to speak.

Clear blue eyes open and blink up at him with recognition, the small face breaking out into a sleepy smile, and Steve can’t look away.

 

* * *

 

“Can I say it? No one else is gonna say it,” Clint says.

The team is assembled outside now, having called in animal control to deal with the hoards of baby animals. The scientists are being rounded up by the proper authorities, and the few human lab victims they had recovered were being seen to by the paramedics. So far, the test victims all appeared to be in perfect health, albeit with little to no recollection of their time here. Steve worries at his lower lip and glances down at Bucky, who has had enough issues with memory and deserves better.

“Don’t say it,” Natasha and Maria say simultaneously.

“He’s Buck-naked. Get it? Buck--” Romanoff claps a hand over his mouth and drags him towards the van. Clint doesn’t protest but continues to make hand gestures at them until he’s stuffed in the back with the door shut, probably trying to communicate more bad jokes before his untimely demise at Natasha's hands.

Steve, in the midst of wrapping Baby Bucky in another clean blanket, isn’t listening or watching anymore. His entire world has been subsumed by the tiny figure with large blue eyes and tufts of dark hair that he is cradling in his arms.

“I’m gonna take good care of you till we get this all figured out, Buck,” he says softly, his eyes fixed on Bucky. Bucky, who had stopped squirming ever since Steve picked him up, watches Steve right back. Steve can even imagine his eyes are saying ‘I know you will’ and ‘I trust you’ and ‘till the end of the line’.

“Everything is gonna work out. Tony and Bruce will find a way to fix this,” he tells Bucky assuredly. “I know they will.”

Bucky makes a small snuffling sound and cuddles further into Steve’s shoulder in what Steve hopes is agreement.

 

* * *

 

“Dibs on babysitting,” is the first thing Pepper says when they see her at the door.

“What?” says Steve, as if the idea of anyone other than him watching Bucky was a previously unthought of thought.

“Dibs,” repeats Pepper, slowly, her wide eyes feasting upon the sight that is tiny baby James Buchanan Barnes, “on babysitting.”

“No,” Natasha says, with the effortless air of someone equally used to getting what she wants. “I’m first.”

Pepper and Natasha narrow their eyes at each other, and Steve tries to shuffle away without being noticed so he isn’t standing directly in the crossfire.

Clint wisely chooses the moment to slip away into the elevator, and Tony, who is now at last able to examine Bucky’s arm to his heart’s content, trails after him, clutching the metal limb to his chest like he’d just gotten his birthday and Christmas presents rolled into one. “Don’t worry, Cap,” Tony says cheerfully over his shoulder, “Brucie and I will figure out how to fix your cyborg boyfriend as soon as we sort out those files and examine compounds and check out the results from those civilians; we’re gonna science the shit out of this.”

Then Baby Bucky wakes up and starts making a fuss until his eyes fix onto Steve’s face and he quiets. Steve is strangely proud of the fact that just seeing him is enough to quiet Bucky down.

“Aw,” coos Pepper. “Can I hold him?”

“Um,” says Steve. “Alright.” He awkwardly tries to pass Bucky off to her, only for Bucky to scrunch up his face and kick his legs out and out and up and up until Steve has to take him back for fear of dropping him.

Pepper makes a face too.

“My turn.” Natasha makes grabby hands, looking about as delighted as Steve has ever seen her outside of mission combat.

Steve is even more reluctant now, but he turns to face her anyways. As soon as Bucky catches sight of Nat he starts wailing, waving his one arm around in babyish terror, and only quiets again when Steve pulls him close so Bucky can rest his head on Steve’s shoulder. “Guess he doesn’t want to be moved,” Steve says apologetically, although he doesn’t seem very sorry at all. Bucky bobs his head slightly against Steve like he’s nodding in agreement.

Pepper crosses her arms, her face now determined. One way or another, she is going to get to babysit Bucky Barnes. She wasn't CEO of Stark Industries because she didn't get what she wanted.

Natasha, in contrast, watches Bucky with a mildly interested expression on her face. Steve doesn’t bother trying to decipher it, instead clutching Bucky closer and escaping to the newly freed elevator before the women try to take Bucky away.

 

* * *

 

Bucky clings to Steve’s gigantic shoulder as they make their way to their apartment. The apartment, like everything else, now appears to be made for giants. Bucky buries his face into Steve's shirt and wishes the world would go back to normal.

Dr. Whinston was a complete coward who had chucked every single chemical-filled thing in the room at Bucky until Bucky had knocked him out with a solid punch to the face. Thanks to his heroic efforts, now Bucky was stuck in the body of a small infant, and he didn’t even get to see the asshole get arrested.

According to the recovered victims, none of them remembered any of the time they spent otherwise indisposed, so no one had any idea that all of the small kids and animals were still self-aware and in retention of their memories. Bucky sighs and slumps his face onto Steve’s soft t-shirt.

“You hungry, Bucky?” Steve says, walking into the living room and setting Bucky on the couch. Bucky can sit up by himself easily enough, but the floor still appears to be very far away. Steve shrugs off the large bag of Bucky’s things (old things and new baby-type things) he’d been carrying on his other shoulder and disappears down the hall to Bucky’s bedroom, presumably to put the bag away. Bucky mourns the loss of his knives. And his arm. Again.

Steve reappears and stops in front of the couch. He’s still in full Captain America gear, which makes the dad look on his face even more annoying in the light of recent events. Recent body-shrinking, knife-confiscating, arm-stealing events. But while being a baby is by no means a good thing, it’s certainly less traumatic than the other horrors Bucky had imagined for himself when that stupid doctor had thrown about a dozen chemical-filled vials at him. In fact, it was maybe even a little therapeutic. It’s hard to pin down exactly where the feeling stems from, but mostly he knows that being held by Steve feels nice and safe.

“I’ll use the blender to make you something to eat,” says Steve finally. Bucky wonders whether or not he was supposed to try and actually answer. It wasn’t like Steve didn’t constantly insist on Bucky eating this or that when they were both adults, too. Sometimes, on bad days, food just wasn’t appetizing.

Steve grabs all the pillows off the couch and arranges them in a nest around Bucky. The pillows are nice and soft but not a proper substitute for Steve’s arms and shoulder, Bucky decides.

“I’ll be right back,” says Steve.

Bucky watches as Steve straightens up and walks away, leaving Bucky’s immediate field of vision for the second time.

He can’t see Steve.

He can’t see Steve.

Mentally, he knows Steve is in the kitchen, now trying to puree mushy foods for him. Emotionally, his body is rebelling against him and screaming _wherestevewherestevewheresteve_ on loop.

He opens his mouth in consternation, concentrating very hard on what he wants to say so it comes out right. _Deep breath, Barnes. Deep breath and--_

“Stee,” he says.

He can hear the food processor start up as Steve adds carrots and apples and whatever other things that will all end up becoming mush. Bucky squishes his tongue around the inside of his mouth, only to find that he doesn’t really have any teeth for chewing. He only has the start of a few that are in the process of growing in. Frankly, Bucky finds the fact that his adult teeth have vanished to be more than a little disturbing.

“Stee,” he tries again.

No. This pronunciation is unacceptable.

“Stee,” he repeats, frustrated now with both his lack of vocabulary and poor pronunciation skills. He blames the lack of teeth. “ _Steeeeeeee._ ”

The food processor switches off. Steve is humming some tune that he can’t quite place.

“Steeeee. _Steeeeeee._ ” Bucky’s annoyed now. Why can’t he say something as simple as Steve’s name? “Stee-steeeeeee-STEEEEEEE!” The last one comes out as a wail.

Well shit, he’s done it now. He’s worked himself up enough to overwhelm his body with emotions and make him dissolve into tears. His body becomes uncomfortably warm as his lungs wail as loudly as they possibly can. Which is really, really loud. Loud enough that he’d tell himself to shut up if he could.

“Bucky? What is it, Buck?” Steve comes barreling into the living room, righteous and noble-like, his big stupid face all genuinely concerned about Bucky’s wellbeing. This realization only serves to make Bucky break out into a fresh set of tears. Which is stupid, because Bucky is not some damsel in distress that needs saving from a national icon, but obviously his eyeballs have other ideas.

“Awh, Buck. It’s okay.” Steve picks him up and cuddles Bucky against his giant shoulder, and Bucky feels much better.

Bucky’s face is all damp and sticky with snot and tears once he calms down enough to speak again. “Stee,” he says softly, sniffling.

“Don’t worry, your food’s all ready now.” Steve bounces him lightly and leads them both into the kitchen, where a bowl of orange mush awaits Bucky on the counter.

Alright, maybe hold off on the feeling better until after lunch.

 

* * *

 

So even with the help of the internet, Steve managed to make terrible mushed baby food for lunch. How one guy can mess up making mush Bucky has no idea, but Steve has always been full of surprises in the kitchen.

Bucky eats as much as he can handle and promptly tosses the rest of it onto the floor. Steve gives him his ‘Captain America is disappointed in you’ look, but it never worked on Bucky before and there was no way in hell it was gonna work now.

Steve sighs, says, “Drink your milk, Bucky,” and goes to mop up the mess on the ground.

Milk is nice. Even if the container it comes in has a teddy bear on it, it has some charm to it, Bucky decides. It reminds him a bit of the Bucky Bears for the toy stores. Steve had bought him one, but Bucky wasn't too impressed by its fashion sense.

In the earlier stages of his recovery, it had been important to make decisions and develop opinions that weren't about missions. Eventually, it became a habit for Bucky to think about mundane things out loud, sometimes for long periods of time.

Steve, at least, never seemed to get tired of it. He was happy to listen to Bucky debate the benefits of two different pairs of jeans at the store for twenty minutes. Certainly longer than anyone else would have been able to stand, which Bucky appreciated.

As Steve cleans up the floor with a dishrag, Bucky finishes his cup of milk. When he's done, he noisily bangs the plastic cup on the table the way he's seen Thor do a few times for a refill.

Then Steve _definitely_ gives him a glare, the one where he's pretending to be annoyed but really isn't, and Bucky grins a big grin with no teeth in response.

 

* * *

 

After lunch, Steve turns on the TV and flips the channel to some juvenile kid cartoons, which Bucky steadfastly ignores.

“Cartoons, Buck. You used to love them when we were kids!” Steve says encouragingly, setting Bucky down onto the couch, careful to nestle him in between the pile of cushions. Stark has promised to have a baby carrier and seats and things delivered soon; for now, Steve is making use of the dozens of pillows they have in the tower.

Bucky looks at the dancing animals on the television, then gives Steve an unimpressed frown.

“I know they’re not really the same as they used to be,” Steve says hesitantly.

The pink rabbit on the screen asks in a sickly sweet voice about which items are needed for a picnic. There are three items on display. One of the items is a basket. The other two are a wrench and a clock.

Bucky pushes out his bottom lip and starts to fuss on the couch, trying to squirm off. He knocks two pillows to the ground in his desperate bid for freedom. Unfortunately, since moving around as a normal baby was already difficult, moving around as a baby with one arm was near impossible. _Where is your truth and justice and freedom for one-armed babies, Rogers?_ Bucky thinks crossly.

“Do you ... want some more milk?” Steve asks lamely, moving to pick up the cushions.

No. He does not want milk. What Bucky wants is to throw the television out the window, but that’s not an option for babies with one arm. Instead, he has to suffer the indignities of bad children’s programming and baby clothing designed by morons.

Bucky is currently wearing a pastel blue thing with baby deer patterned all over it. The team had picked it up at the first store they’d seen on the way back. They’d also bought a few other basic baby things that Bucky had apparently slept through and not seen.

(“Perfect for Bambi!” Stark had said, and Clint had widened his eyes like a five-year-old in a candy store.

“Baby Buck!” Clint had said, in the fits of an epiphany. “Bambi Baby Buck, get it?” Bucky had tried very hard to make himself projectile vomit across the store at them both, but his stomach was uncooperative.

Stark was not amused with Barton’s revelation. “You can’t just steal my joke, Barton. It’s my joke.”

Clint had been unfazed. “Well, now it’s my joke,” he had said, as though being Clint Barton meant he had the monopoly on any and all bad puns in the past, present and future.)

“Maybe more milk later then,” Steve says, but he still doesn't change the damn channel. Bucky shoves a bunch of pillows away so he can drape himself next Steve's leg and use it as a backrest. He gets a pat on the shoulder from Steve for his efforts. At least Steve has his Stark tablet to look at. Bucky can't even see what Steve is doing, he's so short now.

They watch bad cartoons for what seems like hours, with Bucky dozing in and out of sleep between dancing animal picnic trips. When he wakes fully he starts to fidget again. He wants to move around off the couch, but he’s not sure how to let Steve know without falling off said couch like an idiot. After a moment's thought, Bucky waves his arm in the general direction of the floor, making increasingly irritated gestures until Steve gets the hint and picks him up off the couch, depositing him gently onto the floor.

Steve watches Bucky crawl towards the rug in the middle of the living room before saying, “I’m going to need to go buy some more things, aren’t I? I mean, our apartment isn’t exactly baby-proof.”

“Captain Rogers, if I may interject,” JARVIS says politely. Actually, Bucky isn’t sure if JARVIS has any settings other than polite and - occasionally - mild sarcasm.

“Yeah?”

“Ms. Potts has been enquiring as to whether she could watch over young Sergeant Barnes. I told her that the two of you needed some privacy to deal with the situation as you requested, but I believe she would provide an elegant solution to your problem.”

“Yeah.” Steve hesitates for a moment. Bucky watches him with fearful eyes. “Yeah, okay. Tell her she can come on up when she’s got some time, Jarvis.”

There isn’t even a short pause before JARVIS says, “Ms. Potts says to tell you she is on her way.”

If Bucky still had the vocabulary for it, he would swear.

 

* * *

 

Pepper Potts arrives with the largest collection of stuffed animals Bucky has ever seen in his life. She looks at him the same way he remembers most women looking at babies, so Bucky steels himself for thorough humiliation. No one has to know that Bucky is still in full control (or, at least, as much control as a person can have over a hormonal infant) of his mind and body. He can still retain his dignity once he's been restored to full size.

Trailing behind Potts are some small robots tugging a baby carrier. They deposit it onto the floor and roll back into the elevator, which shuts automatically behind them.

“Tony made some alterations to the carrier we bought. We weren’t sure what level of strength Barnes would have, so Tony installed some stronger materials. The altered playpen will be up as soon as I can get someone up to carry it,” she tells Steve. “I’ve got baby proofing supplies on their way as well. We’ll have all the dangerous, pointy corners covered before dinner.”

“Wow, that’s great. Thanks for doing this, Pepper,” Steve says, overwhelmed.

Potts absolutely beams. “It’s my pleasure, Steve. Now go shop away to your heart’s content.” She hands him one of Stark’s fancy credit cards. “On the house.”

Steve looks uncomfortable now, as he always does when accepting expensive gifts. Bucky is 110% expecting a bashful deflection from him when Potts speaks up first.

“It’s been expensed as a part of the mission,” Potts tells him firmly. “So you buy anything and everything you think you’ll need until Tony and Bruce can figure this out.”

Steve is still unsure, so Potts offers, “I can go with you if you’re not sure what to get? We can take Bucky out in the carrier.” Bucky doesn’t like the look of the carrier. Anything with that many straps and buckles had to be a trap. Especially if Stark was involved in its creation.

“No, no,” Steve says. “I can do it.”

Bucky snorts but manages to disguise it as a cough.

“Oh!’ exclaims Potts. “Let’s get you bundled up.” Pepper pulls a large bag out from somewhere and starts removing what appears to be a Captain America onesie.

Shit. Bucky tries to crawl away, but Potts scoops him up into her arms.

“We’re going to have such a great time!” she says. “You're going to look so cute in this!”

Help, Bucky thinks, panicked. Help me, Steve. But Steve, the baby-abandoning bastard, is already gone.

 

* * *

 

Paused before the vast shelves full of baby products, Steve steals a nervous glance over his shoulder. He can already see the headlines: _BABY AMERICA?_ CAPTAIN ROGERS’ SECRET LOVE CHILD EXPOSED.

Turning to the task at hand, Steve eyes the selection of diapers. Surely they were all the same, right? There were different sizes for ages, as far as he could figure out. Other than that it shouldn’t matter which brand he picks, Steve tells himself. It wasn't as though Bucky had preferences, though, and Steve didn't want to pick anything Bucky would hate to wear.

He almost wished he had accepted Pepper’s offer to accompany him, but Pepper really did have more important things to be doing than babysitting Captain America’s shopping trips.

“You look like you need a hand, Rogers.”

Steve jumps about a mile into the air and knocks three packs of baby diapers off the shelf as he whirls to stare at Natasha, who has her arms crossed in front of her chest and a half smile on her face. She’s changed into civilian clothing now, with her hair pinned back into soft waves and her face free of makeup.

“Great,” he says unthinkingly, “Captain America and the Black Widow’s secret love child.”

Natasha doesn’t seem to question his impromptu headline, but scoops the fallen packages up and gracefully returns them to their proper place before removing two bundles and tossing them at him. Steve catches them on pure reflex.

“Go get a cart,” she tells him, handing over three boxes of baby wipes next.

He grabs them and goes, relief clearly visible on his face, feeling much better now that someone who knew what they were doing had taken charge of the situation.

 

* * *

 

He and Natasha check out with minimal fuss and, by some miracle, neither of them gets asked for an autograph.

The next stop is a specialized baby store, and then another clothing store, and by the end of the outing Steve carries about five tons of baby products to Natasha’s one shopping bag and requires Natasha to guide him around obstacles on their walk back.

“Could have called a cab, Rogers,” she had said after they had dodged a particularly rambunctious dog.

But Steve was determined to make the entire trek home. They’d already come this far, he had said, only for Natasha’s face to scrunch in such a way to make him think that she was laughing at him.

The elevator was tricky once they arrived at the Avengers’ Tower, but Steve and his purchases make it through the door in one piece.

Pepper is carrying Bucky, who is dressed in his little Captain America pyjamas with tiny shields patterned all over it. Steve thinks it’s cute. Natasha must think so since she whips out her phone and snaps a couple pictures.

Bucky makes a sort of surprised face upon seeing this and starts to squirm rather animatedly in Pepper’s arms.

“Did you put him down at all?” Natasha asks wryly.

“I did!” Pepper says defensively. “But he likes being held.” Bucky is still wriggling around, so Steve dumps all his bags on the floor and goes to take him.

Bucky snuggles close to Steve, burying his head into Steve’s shoulder and sighing softly. “Hey, Buck,” Steve says, smoothing out the tufts of brown hair on Bucky’s forehead. “Hope you behaved for Pepper while I was away.”

Bucky makes a strange noise that makes Natasha snort.

“We had the best time,” Pepper says brightly. “Bucky loves his new onesie.”

Steve thought it was amusing how now that Bucky was small, most of the Avengers and company had switched over from ‘Barnes’ to ‘Bucky’.

“Thanks for you help, Pepper,” Steve says. “And you too, Natasha.”

“You’re welcome,” Pepper says. “You should probably move to the communal floor once you’ve set the new things away. I’ve got workers coming up to baby-proof your apartment soon.” Pepper is still reluctant to leave, and Steve doesn’t want to offend her by telling her to, especially not after what a great help she’s been. But it’s been a long day and Steve wants to put away all the new baby things so he can turn his attention to looking after Bucky.

“Stee,” Bucky says, his voice muffled against the leather of Steve’s jacket. He sounds almost exasperated for some reason, as though he was reading Steve’s thoughts.

“He can talk?” Pepper exclaims. “Why didn’t he says anything while I was watching him?” She watches with sad eyes as Bucky clings to Steve with a sort of jealousy.

“Uh, I don’t know if he knows any other words, actually,” Steve tells her awkwardly.

Bucky pulls his head back a little to stare at him, as though to say, _of course I know other words you punk_. Steve is used to this look, albeit from the version of Bucky that’s at least twenty years older, so it looks out of place on small Bucky’s chubby round face. Abruptly, Steve recalls words from over seventy years ago - _I thought you were smaller_ \- and wonders if this was how Bucky had felt, seeing Steve's old expressions on his new face.

Then Bucky looks at Pepper and says, tiredly, “Pep.” He turns to Natasha and then says, “Nat.” Then he looks at Steve expectantly, like he wants a treat for all the hard work he’d just done, and Steve smiles at him, probably goofily, stupidly and ridiculously proud of Bucky anyways.

Pepper is thrilled, and Natasha leads her by the arm back towards the elevator, Pepper still chattering away. When the elevator doors close, Steve starts to relax.

Bucky still has that expectant expression, so Steve goes into the kitchen and scoops some ice cream into two bowls. He sets Bucky into the high chair that must have been delivered while he was gone and places a bowl and a large spoon in front of him. Bucky digs in with relish, getting ice cream smeared all over his face in the process. Steve watches with fondness, with the feeling of his heart being too big for his chest. They way he almost always feels when he looks at Bucky.

Steve is snapped out of his dazed state by Bucky thumping his fist on the table. Startled, Steve sees Bucky pointedly looking at Steve’s own ice cream, which is beginning to melt.

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve says, a half-smile forming on his face and he picks up his spoon. “I’m gonna eat it. You’re certainly not getting any of mine; look at the mess you’ve made. Though I bet you’re glad you don’t have to pick up your own messes anymore, Buck. You're such a slob.”

Bucky grins widely, showing a few small white teeth starting to poke their way through their pink gums, and deliberately knocks his bowl onto the floor.

Steve stares at him in complete disbelief. “Shoulda known you’d be like this after all those stories your ma told me about you being a little terror,” Steve grumbles, shoveling a large helping of ice cream into his mouth.

Bucky gurgles laughter at him and Steve stifles a smile of his own.

 

* * *

 

Steve is paging through the calendar on his phone while Bucky tosses his new stuffed animals around the carpet when Steve bites back a swear word.

Bucky’s head jerks to stare right at him, his gaze thoroughly disapproving. _Swearing in front of babies, Rogers? What would America say?_ Steve can imagine Bucky saying.

“Sorry,” Steve says, feeling stupid.

Bucky chucks a plush bear at him with a huge smile and crawls to the couch. He is dragging a miniature Captain America plush doll that is somehow stuck to his side, where there is a small velcro patch attached. Steve supposes it’s the only way Bucky can take things with him. Bucky grabs at Steve's leg, so Steve picks him up and sets Bucky on his lap.

“It’s just, I remembered that I have that charity thing tomorrow. You know, the meet and greet at the children’s hospital,” Steve continues, and ducks his head as he sees Bucky’s face fall. “But you know, I’m sure I can cancel and reschedule it. This is sort of an emergency, right?”

Gripping the Captain America doll, Bucky holds it up with his arm and promptly smacks Steve in the face with it.

“Ow,” Steve says, annoyed. “What was that for?”

Bucky gives him a babyish glare that still manages to make Steve think he’s done something wrong. He whacks the doll some more against Steve’s arm.

“If you weren’t a baby I would drop you back on the floor and leave you there.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky taps the head of the Cap doll against Steve’s phone. Steve still isn’t sure what he’s trying to get at. Bucky makes a frustrated face, and then says in a pitched voice, “Go.”

Steve still doesn't get it for a few more beats. Then, when he does, he struggles with what to say in response. “You sure, Bucky? You want me to go.”

Bucky stares at him like he’s stupid, which is a rather unnerving look to receive from a baby. Steve wonders if the super-soldier serum makes Bucky smarter than the average infant. He wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case, really.

“I guess Pepper wouldn't mind babysitting again,” Steve says reluctantly. “She seemed real pleased about today, I mean.”

Scrunching his face, Bucky squishes the Cap doll against his chest and lays his head back down on Steve’s arm. Steve guesses that Bucky probably doesn’t like all the baby talk he gets from Pepper, despite the fact that he is a baby.

“I regret to inform you that Ms. Potts’ schedule is also full tomorrow, Captain Rogers,” JARVIS chimes in. “But Agent Romanoff has told me to remind you that her own schedule is free.”

Steve thinks privately that Natasha probably already knew that this was going to happen, somehow, and had told JARVIS that she was free tomorrow specifically for the purpose of watching Bucky while Steve spent the day at the charity event. “How’s that sound, Buck? You mind Nat watching you tomorrow?”

Bucky’s face clearly conveys his disapproval of JARVIS’s suggestion of babysitter, but he doesn’t say anything else. He just sort of tucks the doll under his arm more tightly.

Steve sends a questioning text to Nat and receives a simple confirmation a minute later with her availability.

“Alright,” Steve says, having settled tomorrow's affairs. “How about dinner?”

Bucky groans and rolls off of Steve's lap and onto the couch, burying his face in the stomach of the Cap doll.

 

* * *

 

“Come here,” Romanoff says to Bucky sweetly, “come sit in this ridiculous pile of pillows and stuffed animals Rogers and Potts bought for you.” Her arms reach out to grab him, and Bucky recoils in terror, moving to crawl away as fast as his arm can take him. Wrinkling his face up, he prepares to unleash a lot of tears and noise until she leaves him alone.

She suddenly stops to stare at him, her face expressionless. Bucky stares too, trying to convey his distaste and distrust. Just because he’s a small child now doesn’t mean he’s going to let his guard down. She might try to take advantage of him and play dress up. He’d only barely dodged that bullet with Potts and Hill, and he wasn’t going to cave in to Romanoff of all people. The Captain America onesie was bad enough.

“Fine,” she relents. Romanoff adjusts the position of the carrier resting on the table and then she walks away. Bucky watches her retreat with careful eyes. What is she up to.

He sees her sit on the couch and turn on the television. The stupid cartoons from this morning are back in their full evil force. He can already feel the brain cells dying off in his head. If this was Romanoff’s idea of torture, she was doing an excellent job.

Then she flips through a few channels and stops on--

Bucky makes a whiny noise. Romanoff doesn’t look at him. Scowling fiercely, Bucky uses his arm to drag himself all the way towards the couch. It is a lot of work, and he’s sure his knees would have been rubbed red if it wasn’t for the stupidly soft plush carpeting.

He reaches her feet and knocks his head against her calf. Wordlessly, Romanoff picks him up and settles him into her lap. The only sign of her victory is the small upturn of the corner of her lips.

Squirming to get comfortable, Bucky trains his eyes back on TV.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Nat. Hope Bucky didn’t cause any trouble for you.” Steve is talking from behind an armful of stuff. More baby stuff. The more they bought, the more Bucky worried that his current state was going to be static for a lot longer than they were letting on. There were definitely important conversations that Bucky had missed during his naps.

“He was perfectly behaved,” Romanoff says, shaking her legs up and down to bounce him. “Weren’t you, Barnes?”

Bucky makes a noncommittal noise, which sounds more like a gurgle than the neutral affirmation he wants it to be.

Steve sets his purchases down on the counter and walks over to them. His forehead crinkles and he frowns at the TV. “Why are you guys are watching that Russian soap opera? What happened to cartoons?”

 _Because this is good television, Rogers._ And just because he’s a baby now doesn’t mean he lost all his good taste.

Romanoff ignores the question completely, checking his diaper as Bucky squirms again. “It’s probably dinner time for him. I’ll see myself out, Rogers.” She picks Bucky up and sets him on his cushioned carrier. Bucky scowls, squirming around in the blasted carrier that Stark had built purely to torment him, he was sure. The straps itched and reminded him too much of other, less innocuous straps. Steve never used the carrier at all, instead preferring to carry Bucky himself.

“Tony said he was going to drop by and pick up Barnes for some quick scans. He thinks that he and Bruce might have the start of an antidote,” she adds.

“Thanks Natasha,” Steve says.

“Have a nice night, boys,” Natasha says, and with a wave of her hand, she's gone. Or, at least gone from Bucky's limited field of vision.

 

* * *

 

Bucky has a fun time knocking lots of Stark’s stuff while he sits on the counter in the lab. His ever-present companion, Doll Cap, is just as good at bowling things over as the real Captain America. Also, Bucky doesn’t have to worry about this doll getting injured and dying on him because of its reckless stupidity.

Tony sends him annoyed grumpy faces from the other side of the lab where he and Dr. Banner are going over some science stuff. Bucky knows he wouldn't have been able to follow the discussion even if he was still an adult.

Currently, Bucky is looking for where to toss his doll to create maximum impact and damage from his spot on the counter. He had been told by Pepper and Steve to not move like, 15 minutes ago, and he's bored now.

Eventually, he settles on a large, delicate looking fiddly thing that seems like it'd be fun to tip over. He'd feel bad if it wasn't for the fact that Stark had backups for his backups and tons of money for replacements to boot.

“Almost done, then we can run another scan,” Banner says idly.

Bucky squints his eyes at his target, aims, and fires. Cap is launched through the air like a human missile, clipping the large thing and toppling it. Success. Bucky makes a happy gurgle that sounds very embarrassing to his own ears, but hey, who cares, he's a baby now.

Everyone seems startled by the crash. Tony looks fit to burst, his face changing colour as he sort of starts to yell. Apparently, the fiddly thing had taken a lot more work to put together than it first appeared. Steve is not trying hard enough not to smile, even as Tony mourns the death of the thing in dramatic fashion.

It's even better as Pepper tells Stark that it isn't Bucky's fault, that he's just a baby and doesn't know better whereas Tony is a grown man (that part is mostly implied) and is the bigger person here. Literally the bigger person.

It's even better than even better when Steve picks Bucky up as though to shield him from Stark's vocal outrage. Bucky clings tight and settles in for a good cuddle as Steve rubs circles on his back. Nice.

“Of course you’re all going to side with him! I mean, look, he’s literally a baby with one arm! I can’t win! How am I supposed to win?”

“Tony,” Steve begins sternly, gently adjusting his hold on Bucky, “that’s insensitive.”

“What? It’s not like he can understand me.”

As if on cue, Bucky scrunches up his little face in consternation, stares Tony dead in the eye, and starts to wail.

“You’ve hurt his feelings!” Pepper chides. “You're not supposed to win against babies, Tony. That’s not the point!” Pepper goes to retrieve the fallen Cap doll, bringing it to Bucky. Bucky makes a big show of sniffling and burying his face against Steve as Pepper tries to coax him into taking the doll back.

Tony looks scandalized, as though he can't believe what's happening to him. It's great.

“Bucky’s real sorry,” Steve says in a light tone, giving Bucky a slight bounce. “Aren’t you, Buck?”

Still sniffing, Bucky turns his head to face everyone. His cheeks are pink and blotchy and there is snot on his chin, which Steve wipes off gently with a handkerchief.

“Sowwy,” Bucky says to Stark.

Pepper smiles like she wants to bundle him away in her arms forever. Bucky does not want this but is content in the knowledge that this fact is driving Stark mad. “See, Tony, he’s sorry,” Potts says firmly, as though this settles everything. Then she is looking at Tony expectantly.

“Why are you all staring at me? You know he doesn’t mean it! What? You don’t expect--” He splutters. “I’m not apologizing when he broke my stuff. He causes enough collateral damage when he’s fully grown, and he never said sorry for any of that, so I don’t see why I should.” Stark shakes his head and stomps his foot for emphasis.

“Bucky feels real bad for all those things he broke,” Steve chides him. “They were accidents.” Bucky nods his head in a jerky motion.

“They better have been,” Tony mutters. “I don’t like to consider the alternatives.”

 

* * *

 

Sam Wilson drops by during dinner.

Bucky has Steve engaged in a vicious food fight (Steve is losing) when JARVIS announces the Falcon's arrival.

Sam walks in to see them both covered in mashed baby carrots and applesauce. There is a beat of silence, and then Sam turns around and walks straight out of the kitchen.

Steve tries to say something, maybe a lame attempt to defend his childish behaviour, but Sam returns with a large roll of paper towels and a stern face, so Steve shuts up.

“Who is the adult here?” Sam asks rhetorically.

Wiping carrot off of his face, Steve stares at the wall just behind Sam’s left ear and says nothing. He looks so ridiculously defiant that Bucky giggles too loudly and gives himself the hiccups.

“Uh oh,” Steve says, and moves to pick Bucky up, draping him over his applesauce-splattered shoulder and patting his back a few times. “You know, you used to get hiccups a lot when we were kids.” Bucky doesn’t remember that, not really. Memories are touch and go most of the time. Sometimes things come to him without Bucky realizing it. Other times he feels like he’s swimming through quicksand, trying to grab onto the elusive pieces of his life from before he became the Winter Soldier.

“I’d make you laugh too hard and then you’d get them. You got so mad, mostly because I said you sounded like an angry toddler.”

“So, like, no difference at this point,” Sam says, sitting down. Bucky hears Sam helping himself to some chicken and potatoes. Bucky misses eating chicken. He also misses having teeth. He wants to glare at Sam, but he can’t see him since he’s facing the other way now.

“Guess not.”

Bucky finally burps and Steve sets him back in the highchair. “I’m going to clean myself off and then you’re next, Buck.” Bucky scowls at this and Sam laughs at him.

“He’s gonna be like one of those pet cats in the water,” Sam tells Steve knowingly. “You’re going to have to wrangle him in.”

Bucky goes to scoop some more applesauce in his hand, but Steve is like a goddamn hawk and takes the bowl away. “No more mess for you,” Steve says.

Sam seems to understand the bullet he has dodged here. “I’ll keep an eye on him. You go shower. You stink.” It’s Steve’s turn to scowl as he leaves.

“So,” Sam says. “Heard you’ve been raising a little hell since this happened.” He gestures up and down at Bucky. “And I just want to say I’m not surprised at all. Maybe now people will realize that you still act this way when you’re a grown man. I mean, really Barnes, food fights?”

Unrepentant, Bucky reaches for his sippy cup of milk and ignores the jibe, already trying to plot his way out of his bath.

 

* * *

 

Sam is still hanging around when Steve and Bucky emerge from the bathroom. Bucky is clean and dry, but Steve’s entire shirt is wet, soapy, and clinging to his body.

“We lost the soap down the drain,” Steve says sheepishly, lifting a hand to shove his fingers through his damp hair.

Sam gives him an unsympathetic look. Steve drops Bucky off on Sam’s lap and goes to grab a towel to dry himself off again.

“Nice pyjamas,” Sam says to Bucky, wrapping an arm around Bucky’s back to help hold him up. Bucky grimaces, as though he had forgotten about the blue teddy bears currently adorning his body.

Steve comes back in a new shirt and holding the Cap doll, which Bucky reaches for. “He’s really attached to it,” Steve says, and his forehead wrinkles. “I don’t really know why. Pepper seems to think it’s because it’s familiar to him.”

“You don’t say,” Sam deadpans. He nods at Bucky. “Can you believe this guy?” Bucky shakes his head.

Steve pulls a face at them. “Since I’m the one changing your diapers, I think you should be a little nicer to me, Buck.”

“You should get him one of those kid potty things,” Sam suggests. “He looks old enough and maybe smart enough to use one.” Bucky whacks Sam with the Cap doll, but Sam is unfazed.

“I’ll look into it tomorrow maybe,” Steve says. “But we don’t really know how long Bucky is going to be like this. I feel bad spending all this money on stuff we won’t need.”

Sam waves a dismissive hand. “You can donate most of it afterwards, no problem. I’m sure Bucky’ll appreciate the independence of taking a leak by himself.”

Bucky chooses that moment to let out a huge yawn, try as he might to hold it in.

“Bed time for the little dude,” Sam announces, ruffling the bit of hair on Bucky’s head with his free hand. “I’ll maybe check in tomorrow and we can do breakfast?”

“Yeah, sounds great,” Steve says, picking Bucky up.

“Awesome. I mean, someone’s gotta make sure you don’t get your ass kicked in another food fight.”

Bucky has enough energy left for a smug grin. “I did not lose,” Steve retorts, following Sam to the door.

“Yeah. Sure you didn’t. Bucky here wasn’t the one with mashed carrots in his hair.” Sam gestures around at his head. He’s kind of blurry to Bucky, though Bucky’s not sure why.

“Bucky doesn’t even have any hair right now.”

Bucky makes an offended noise that is swallowed up by another yawn. Sam and Steve are still talking, but Bucky doesn’t hear the rest of the conversation as he’s already dozed off into dreamland.

 

* * *

 

Steve is called away on an emergency Avengers thing the next day with all the other remotely competent people, which means Bucky is being left in the responsible care of Clint Francis Barton.

“Don’t you worry, Steve. Baby Barnes and I are gonna have a great time, aren’t we?” Barton is waving energetically as Steve gives him a suspicious expression from the elevator. “You can totally trust me!” Bucky trusts Clint about as far as he can throw him, which right now isn't even possible. Bucky's put up with too many bad puns to even remotely trust Clint.

The doors shut on Steve's face, and Barton claps his hands together. “Awesome! Now the real fun begins.”

Bucky gives Barton a skeptical look as the man wanders off out of sight. When he returns, he’s holding some kind of strappy looking harness thing. It is largely reminiscent of the baby carrier.

_Hell no._

It takes Barton ten minutes to work a protesting Bucky into the harness, which apparently straps onto Barton’s front so that Bucky is also facing forwards.

“Come on, Barnes. I’m trying to help you out here. I know Steve said we weren’t allowed to take you out and all, but I figured we could see the sights today. We can head out to the zoo, okay?”

Bucky stops squirming. Okay, maybe Barton isn’t so terrible. But the zoo sounds kind of scary. Everything is already so much larger, and Bucky doesn’t know if he’d be able to handle seeing huge lions without fear.

The elevator sounds as Romanoff wanders into the apartment. “Heard it was your turn for Barnes-watching today,” she tells him. Natasha is in full tactical gear, so Bucky assumes she’s merely checking in on her way out. Nice of her to take a last look at him before he gets eaten by a grizzly bear at the zoo. Although, Romanoff is probably scarier than lions.

“Yeah!” Barton says excitedly, hoisting a giant baby bag into a stroller. “We’re gonna go to the zoo. And the aquarium. But mostly to the zoo. They have birds there.”

Natasha raises an eyebrow.

“What? Women love babies. I’m not gonna pass up the chance to play hot singl-- ”

Romanoff gives him another flat stare and Barton backtracks.

“Hot. Hot dad at the zoo. But you know how long it’s been since I’ve gotten to take Laura’s kids anywhere? All they want to do now is go to music concerts and shopping malls. How am I supposed to be the fun uncle when these kids have no sense of childlike wonder?”

Bucky snorts softly. The aquarium sounds fun, though. But if Clint tries to use him to hit on women Bucky is totally gonna puke on him.

“Well, I hope the two of you have fun,” Romanoff says lightly.

“I’ll see you later.” Clint must nod at her because Bucky can feel the movement. Clint hands Bucky his Cap doll, which Bucky clutches worriedly in his hand. What if he drops it?

Natasha seems to notice his predicament and retrieves a length of cord from somewhere on her person. She ties one of the doll legs to one of the harness straps and tugs the knots tight. “There you go, Barnes. Good and snug. Keep Clint safe for me, alright?”

Barton squawks at this, but Bucky gives her a large smile.

“Good boy.” Natasha squeezes his shoulder gently and goes.

 

* * *

 

The zoo is gigantic and noisy. There are people everywhere, and don't these kids have homework to do or something? Bucky and Clint walk around and watch animals while Bucky scowls at the small children who are allowed to roam freely. Even though he’s jealous of the other kids, watching the bears is pretty cool, Bucky admits to himself grudgingly.

Normally, Bucky likes watching National Geographic and their animal documentaries, so seeing more animals up close is neat. He and Steve had never gone to the zoo when they were kids on account of being poor and Steve's severe allergies. Maybe once he's back to normal, he can convince Steve to come back here so Bucky can take in the sights properly.

As they pass the bears, a small boy with an ice cream cone runs by, laughing. _Unfair_ , Bucky thinks.

Clint checks his watch in front of Bucky. It's nearly noon. They'd already spent twenty minutes getting cooed over by the ticket taker. (Apparently, a baby with one arm is tragic enough that Clint gets in for free. “He was born like this,” Clint had answered when asked about Bucky's disability, and Bucky supposed it was true enough. This body had certainly been born this way.) And since Clint had insisted on taking the subway and walking part of the way here, Bucky is now hungry.

Following Bucky’s covetous gaze, Clint asks, “You want some ice cream? We can do ice cream.”

Bucky makes a noise of agreement, so Clint finds a vendor and buys them two cones, an adult sized one and a small one that Bucky can thankfully hold in his own hand. He has to drop Cap to do it. Sorry Cap, Bucky thinks, watching the doll dangle from its cord. Ice cream comes first.

“Ice cream for lunch,” Clint says happily. “Nat is gonna kill me if she finds out.”

Bucky shrugs his shoulders, as though to say, _Well she’s not gonna hear it from me, pal._

After only managing to finish two-thirds of his ice cream, Bucky is full. He makes a disappointed sound that Clint must notice, because he frowns down at Bucky.

“What’s wrong, little guy? Got brainfreeze?”

Bucky shakes his head. “Fuwll,” he says, sadly.

“Man, I get it,” Clint says, nodding. “But you know, you can get another one later if you want. And I’m sure if you made eyes at Steve he’d cave in and give you ice cream for dinner, too. Cap’s nuts about you.”

Clint disposes of the extra ice cream and wipes Bucky’s face and hand off with a wet wipe before handing Cap back to him. If Bucky clutches the doll closer for the rest of the day, Clint says nothing, and on the bus ride back they play tic tac toe on Clint's phone. Somehow, Clint _still_ manages to cheat. Against a toddler, no less, but Bucky resolves to get payback once he's restored to full size.

 

* * *

 

The communal floor is empty of most of the Avengers when Maria Hill arrives to take advantage of their absence and pillage the cupboards for snacks.

She’s halfway through both a stack of reports and a package of chocolate chip cookies when JARVIS announces the return of Agent Barton and Baby Bucky Barnes.

Said baby in question has a gold star stuck to his forehead.

“Great!” Clint says as he spots her on the couch. “Someone to witness my masterpiece!”

Maria looks at Bucky, who is wearing a very disgruntled expression for someone so small. “Do I even want to know what it is this time?”

Holding out Bucky, Clint smiles at her expectantly, waiting for her to get the joke. “This is Bucky.”

“I can see that.”

“Buck. With a star on his head. Star Buck!” Clint looks so proud.

She rolls her eyes at him. At least this explains the annoyed expression on Bucky’s face. Bucky hates Barton’s bad puns more than anything. Maria supposes that with Barnes being currently indisposed, Clint is taking all the opportunities he can get to slip in puns. As soon as Clint sets him on the couch, Bucky rips the star off his forehead, crumples it in his fist and chucks it at Clint’s head. Ignoring the paper bouncing off his forehead, Clint sits himself on Bucky’s other side and steals a cookie. Maria lets him, but only because he immediately breaks it into small pieces and hands them to Bucky.

“He doesn’t have any teeth,” Maria says to him.

“I know, but I figure he can sort of drool on it in his mouth until it softens.” Clint reaches across for two more cookies, which he crams into his own mouth together.

“You’re disgusting.”

Bucky very deliberately picks up one small piece and places it daintily in his mouth. The Captain America doll Bucky had taken to carrying with him everywhere sits next to his arm, leaning against Bucky’s shoulder.

“So, what’ve you been doing here all by yourself? You know, other than being scary and eating cookies,” Clint asks her. This time when he reaches for another cookie she smacks his hand. He pulls his hand away and slowly reclines on the couch so he can subtly lean away from her. Maria resists the urge to smile.

“I was dropping off the latest prototype of Captain Rogers’ shield. It came back with the new paint coat this morning.” She tilts her head in the direction of where the shield rests against the wall.

“Oh, awesome!” Clint gets up to grab it. Maria would be worried if it wasn’t for the fact that the thing was literally made of the strongest metal known to man.

He brings it to the couch and sets it on his lap. Bucky picks up his doll and places on top of the edge.

“Yeah,” Clint says, “Cap’s shield! Isn’t it cool? A little big for your doll, though.”

Bucky makes a noise, and Maria can’t tell if it’s meant to be a word or just an acknowledgment.

Clint examines the shield a little longer, and Maria makes her way through three more reports, pausing only to break another cookie into tiny pieces for Bucky. Eventually, Clint starts to fidget in his seat.

“You know what would be fun?” Clint says, after another minute of restlessness.

“This already sounds like a bad idea.” Maria shakes her head.

“Just hear me out,” Clint pleads, and although she knows she is going to regret it, Maria sighs and puts aside the report she’d been reading.

 

* * *

 

Tony and Pepper arrive to see the living room has been rearranged. All the furniture has been pushed off to the sides to clear a large space in the middle of the hardwood flooring.

Seated on opposite sides of the room, Clint Barton and Maria Hill are sliding Bucky Barnes around on the brand new Captain America shield. Barnes, who has his legs tucked under the straps and his Cap doll under his arm, looks delighted as Clint shoves the shield, which is concave side up, smoothly across the floor towards Hill, who catches it.

“This is what my money pays for, Pepper. An expensive national treasure to be used as a playtoy for a baby ex-assassin,” Tony laments loudly. “Does no one appreciate my hard work around here? Pepper?”

Pepper is currently filming the event with her phone while making obscene baby-talk noises.

They go back and forth for a while before Maria asks Tony, “Where’s everyone else?” Clint grabs the shield and holds it still, looking to Tony and Pepper for the answer.

“Clean up duty,” Tony says blithely. “And then potty shopping, according to Rogers. Don’t know why they need to go to a store buy one when I can just order one for them, but hey, who am I to deprive Captain America of all the future has to offer?”

“How was the mission?” Clint says.

“Boring,” Tony answers. “The bad guys need to up their game. If the worst they can do is turn Barnes into a baby then maybe we should reconsider the whole hero-ing business thing. Easy mode is no fun at all.”

Clint, still holding the upturned shield, stares at Bucky, who has laid down on his side and is fast asleep. “Guess we tired him out.”

“He only naps for about 20 to 30 minutes,” Pepper informs them all wisely. “It’s because of the serum in his system according to Bruce.”

“Good, so he power naps,” says Tony. “Then we’ve got time to think of more games. Preferably ones that don’t risk damaging expensive equipment.”

 

* * *

 

Bucky wakes up and finds himself in a playpen. He wipes at his eyes and reaches for Cap, dragging the doll closer for comfort. He doesn't remember falling asleep, which is definitely disconcerting. Thinking back to the last thing he remembers, Bucky glances out through the netting to see that everyone else is still here, so he can't have been asleep for long.

“I’ve got this fun game planned,” says Stark, who is suddenly looming over the wall of the pen and staring at him. Then Stark moves away, and Bucky can’t see well from his playpen, but it seems like Stark is arranging a bunch of stuffed animals in the empty space that Clint and Maria had cleared on the floor. “Clint, you’re going to love it.”

“Well, that pretty much means it’s going to be a bad idea,” Potts says wryly.

“Here we go! This is going to be great, trust me. Hill, Barton, Pepper honey, join the circle while I fetch our special guest.” Stark looms over the playpen again and picks Bucky up. Bucky, who has learned to pick his battles, doesn’t protest.

Arranged in a large circle in the middle of the living room are a bunch of stuffed animals, Hill, Barton and Potts. Barton pats the stuffed elephant next to him as Stark sets Bucky down in an empty space.

“Alright!” Stark exclaims proudly. He begins to move slowly around the outside of the circle, bopping the heads of the little stuffed animals. “Now this is a game I like to call ‘Buck, Buck, Goose.’”

Barton manages composure for all of half a second before he loses it, laughing so hard it looks like he might fall down.

“Buck,” Stark says, patting Barton on his shaking head. “Buck. Buck.” Even Potts is cracking a smile. It’s a conspiracy.

Stark approaches Bucky, and all he feels is a dreadful sense of defeat.

“Goose!” Stark declares cheerfully, tapping Bucky on the head. Bucky doesn’t move an inch and tries to give Stark his most disapproving look. It is hard to look annoyed and cross one arm sternly when you are a baby.

Tony ambles around the circle back to Bucky while Bucky stubbornly remains seated. “You know,” says Tony. “I don't think Barnes gets how to play.”

“Oh, I don't know,” Maria says wryly. “That look on his face tells me that he's figured it out just fine.”

Bucky sighs. Don't any of these people have work to do?

 

* * *

 

When Steve finally returns with a new potty, the first thing he does is go check on Bucky, who is tossing his stuffed animals around his playpen in a bored fashion.

“How’s it going in there, Buck?” he asks, patting Bucky on the head with a giant hand.

Somewhere in the background, Bucky can hear Barton whisper ‘goose’ in a pitched tone before seeing him stand and bolt out of the room, clutching his sides.

The first thing he’s going to do once he gets his adult body back is murder Clint Barton. And then Tony Stark. The order isn’t very important, all told.

Steve doesn't understand until Pepper explains to him, and then even Steve thinks it's funny, the traitor.

“You used to play hopscotch with your sister even though you hated it,” Steve tells him over dinner. The team had ordered in pizza, much to Clint's unending delight, but Bucky was stuck with some mushed pears and pureed vegetables. Everyone was gathered on the communal floor and they were currently arguing about what movie to watch.

“Kid friendly movies only!” Pepper repeats for the hundredth time over the rabble.

There is some more whining, but eventually they settle on watching Tangled. Bucky starts on Steve’s lap, but ends up crawling down the length of the couch to lounge around on various people as the movie progresses, and somehow ends curled up with his head resting on Natasha’s thigh.

Partway through they start to make lively comparisons between the Avengers and the Disney characters, starting with how Steve would make a great Rapunzel.

Clint agrees wholeheartedly. “You already carry a large metal round thing for whacking bad guys.”

All that righteous anger in a tiny five-foot form, Bucky thinks, remembering what he can of Steve before the war, getting into fights and never keeping his mouth shut. The comparison isn’t too far off, really.

“That means that Bucky is Eugene,” Natasha says with a smirk on her face. “Since he also doesn't like his actual first name.”

Never mind, thinks Bucky, jerking his head off her thigh. Natasha is an awful person and there is no truth to this comparison whatsoever.

“Dibs on being the horse who hates him,” Sam calls out as Bucky crawls over his legs and past him.

“He doesn't really hate him,” Steve points out, and they all stare at him for a moment. He raised an eyebrow at them. “What? I’m paying actual attention to the movie.”

Bucky does his best to stay awake during the rest of the film, but he dozes off only to wake up in time to see Flynn Rider get stabbed by Rapunzel's evil stepmom. It's all very sad, but Bucky knows these movies are supposed to have happy endings, so he doesn't worry too much. Steve looks worried, though, so Bucky pats at what little of Steve he can reach, and slumps himself against Steve's chest in something resembling a hug. _Just a kid's movie, Rogers._

Shortly Rapunzel's magic hair saves the day and everyone is allowed to breathe a sigh of relief. Flynn and Rapunzel get married and live happily ever after.

“That was a good movie,” Maria declares from where she's reclined on the other couch, and everyone agrees. She's also got her feet draped on Bruce's lap, but he doesn't seem to mind.

“Figures that Barnes is the one who needs to be wooed,” Tony says. “Honestly, who doesn't want to marry Captain America? Anyone? Any of you need convincing?” He swivels his head like a cartoon character, staring at them all.

“I think Bucky's a little young to be thinking about marriage,” Clint says, then sniggers.

“I selflessly volunteer to marry Captain America,” Maria says, waving her hand in the air.

“We all know how much you’d love to take one for the team,” Tony says generously. “But as one of the spoken for and therefore unbiased people in the room, I think Barnes has dibs.”

Steve turns pink, gripping Bucky around the waist and standing up. “I think I’m going to go put Bucky to sleep.”

“So soon?” Pepper whines. “I wanted to watch Mulan next!”

“You’d make a great Mushu,” Clint tells Sam, who scowls and throws a pillow at him.

“You guys can keep watching,” Steve says, draping Bucky over his shoulder. It’s not frequent that everyone has time to spend together like this. “Don’t let me ruin your evening.” Bucky snuffles and yawns as Steve hands him Cap, which Bucky tucks under his arm.

“Night Bambi,” Clint says, waving. “Night that-doe-Bambi-totally-had-a-crush-on.”

“My joke,” Tony insists again, but Bucky doesn't get to hear the rest of the argument as he is carried away. It's really unfair that they're all only teasing Steve like this when they think Bucky won't be able to remember it.

 

* * *

 

Thor stops by later the next day to view the new spectacle that is Bucky’s foot long body. Bucky prepares for whatever weird Asgardian traditions they have for babies out in space, but none are forthcoming. Thor’s method of dealing with the tragedy that has befallen James Buchanan Barnes is to treat him as though absolutely nothing has changed.

It’s great.

He and Thor have some nice conversations which mostly consist of Thor talking and Bucky making facial expressions in response, while everyone else is completely baffled.

“Yes, I agree completely, Barnes!” Thor says, after a riveting discussion on Bucky’s day at the zoo with Clint.

Everyone stares at Thor, who is now laughing.

“He’s the baby whisperer,” Barton says quietly. This time Banner throws a pillow at his head.

Bucky is just glad to have someone who understands him.

“I cannot fathom how it must feel to be trapped in such a small, vulnerable firm,” Thor says at some point, and Bucky stills. “Especially for you, my friend. I imagine it is difficult to have to rely on others once more.”

That. Wasn't true.

Bucky didn't have a problem trusting the Avengers. Not anymore.

For the longest time, his circle of trust had only included Steve (and Romanoff grudgingly), because he couldn't rely on Steve to take him out if he reverted to his programming. Bucky had never imagined learning how to trust again; he had thought himself too broken to do so.

But. Now there was a feeling of ease that followed him throughout the tower. Even at the zoo with Barton. Maybe not enough to let him fully relax, but. To know others could be trusted to watch his and Rogers’ six. To know that if he fell apart, there were people to help him gather himself back together. It felt _good_ , to trust.

“Ah,” says Thor, as though Bucky's pensive expression explains everything. “I am honored and thank you for your trust, then.”

Then Thor goes to talk to Banner, leaving Bucky alone to stew in his own thoughts until Hill comes along with an animal beanie and he has to defend himself.

 

* * *

 

The elevator ride is quiet, and Bucky feels weariness seep through his bones. It’s so rare that he feels tired anymore, he almost wants to enjoy the feeling of sleepiness while it lasts, despite how disoriented he is every time he wakes up. Steve rubs small circles on his back and checks his diaper before swapping Bucky’s clothes for pyjamas. The annoying thing is Bucky can’t discern any difference other than the fact that these pyjamas have sleeping animals on them rather than alert ones.

Steve is wearing a small, tight t-shirt and large, baggy sweatpants because he is an idiot. Bucky thinks he could fit his whole body in one of the pockets, and wouldn’t it be fun for Steve to carry him like that everywhere. “Are we gonna try the cot again, Buck?” Steve asks him.

“No,” Bucky says stubbornly, jutting out his lower lip. Last night Steve had tried to leave him in the cot, and Bucky had made a fuss, knocking things down by chucking his stuffed animals all over the room. This continued until Steve had finally come in and carried Bucky into his own bed so Bucky could drape himself on top of Steve’s chest and let the steady heartbeat lull him to sleep.

Steve’s sigh is long-suffering, but he looks pleased as he takes Bucky to his room, where they use the connecting bathroom to go through the wash-up routine.

Bucky rolls around on the bed as Steve sits the Cap doll next to the Bucky Bear on his night side table. Then Steve switches off the lights and pulls the covers off so Bucky can bury himself into the sheets and flop on the pillows.

“Night, Buck,” Steve says, once Bucky is situated on his spot on top of Steve’s chest.

Bucky doesn't have energy for the words, but he pats droopily at Steve's chest with his hand, and Steve seems to get it anyways.

 

* * *

 

Something itches. Badly.

Shifting around, Bucky can feel frayed fabric tickling at his sides, rubbing weirdly against his skin. Steve is still breathing deeply, apparently undisturbed by this travesty. Bucky scrunches his face and nuzzles it against the side of Steve’s head, which is absurdly close--

Wait.

Bucky’s thoughts come to a full stop, his entire fully formed, human adult male body going still. Every inch of skin is now absolutely electrified, the sensation of just how much clothes he currently is not wearing now a very, very large part of his physical awareness.

Steve shifts a little, still asleep, and cuddles _closer_.

Completely distracted and by no means in control of his body yet, Bucky makes an inhuman noise previously unknown to his brain and squeaks loudly.

Steve, the asshole, chooses this moment to wake up.

No one breathes for an eternity, and Bucky tries to convince himself that maybe this is just some terrible baby-hormone-induced nightmare that he is going to wake from at any moment.

And then Steve scrambles to move off the bed, falling onto the floor with his hand over his eyes, yelling “Sorry! I-- Bucky, Sorry!” like he hadn’t seen Bucky naked about a thousand times when they were kids.

Bucky gets second-hand embarrassment just watching Steve stammer out apologies, and Steve isn’t the one who’s not wearing clothes. Part of Bucky that has already become clinically detached from the embarrassment of this trainwreck of a situation is offended at Steve’s reaction, really.

They sit like that for a bit, Bucky stiff and upright in the bed and Steve making more sad, uncomfortable noises on the floor.

“Do you think,” Bucky finally croaks, “you could get me some clothes.”

“Yeah! Right.” Steve stands up, overly eager, almost tipping over in his haste to get to the dresser. “Of course, sor--”

Bucky moans something that may or may not be “ _OhmygodRogersstopapologizing_ ” and Steve shuts up.

Steve hands him a pair of sweats and a shirt then turns to face the other way. “Uh, I can go to the couch. But. I mean. You probably have a lot of, uh, questions.”

Right. Bucky blinks. Everyone still thought that he wasn’t going to remember anything after turning back to normal.

“Um, if you’re not up to talking that’s okay too. I mean, Tony said that some of the victims were still having problems with their motor control skills and stuff.”

Bucky thinks about the last few days and decides it’s probably best just to play along. He didn’t need everyone to know about how all the admittedly fun things that he’d done had been of his own volition. Although, Potts suggesting patty-cake and then looking mildly horrified at herself for forgetting as he’d lifted his singular arm at her had been kind of funny. All the cuddles, though, that would be hard to live down.

“Tomorrow,” Bucky says aloud. That would give him time to sort through his own head and set the record straight for the upcoming conversations.

Bucky deliberately slides under the covers again, shifting over to the other half of the bed and slumping onto it. He feels aches all the way through his bones.

“Tomorrow, okay, sure,” Steve says, unsubtly backing away towards the door.

“Steve,” Bucky rasps, exasperated. He bats the remains of the baby clothes off the bed and thumps at the empty space on the bed. “Just sleep.”

After a pause, Steve moves and slides under the blankets with him, his weight tilting the bed this way and that as he gets comfortable. Once they’re both quiet and still, Bucky lets his eyelids slide shut and goes to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Days pass in a haze, with Bucky being more non-verbal than usual to prevent himself from slipping up and giving himself away. Steve seems to attribute this to some kind of memory-gap induced mental trauma, which makes Bucky feel a little bad, but it also means Steve is more receptive to cuddle-sitting with him to watch Russian soaps, so he tells himself he can live with the guilt.

Besides, Natasha keeps watching him like a hawk, and that’s enough to make any man jumpy. Also, Clint keeps waving pictures of Baby Bucky from his phone in front of him, trying to get a reaction. So Bucky feels like between having to deal with the two of them that’s punishment enough.

Steve and Bucky donate most of the stuffed animals and baby things to charity, but Bucky hides the Captain America doll away in his room. Steve notices this, of course, but Bucky cracks some kind of panicked joke about it, and Steve lets it drop, probably worried about pushing Bucky too hard while he’s still ‘recovering’.

Pepper sends a large box of get-well pastries that day, however, so Bucky counts it as a victory.

A week after that, Stark and Banner request a check-up visit to talk about the metal arm. Bucky’s left shoulder still ends in a round, unscarred bump. Bucky spent a lot of time looking at it in the mirror, examining the unblemished skin from every angle.

It almost feels like a clean slate, but that’s not what he wants. He’s okay with moving forward from where he is now, but he is still glad that at least some of the physical remains of his past are gone.

So it’s not starting over, or starting fresh. It’s just. Putting a close on that chapter of his life.

Tony gets him fitted for a new prosthetic based off of the design of the metal arm, and promises to have some test versions ready in the next week or so. Steve tries and fails to not hover like a mother hen the entire time, prompting Bucky to stare at him until Steve stops asking how he is, _because I’m sitting right here Steve you can see I’m fine_. But it is nice to be fussed over, mostly because being fussed over doesn’t involve diapers and bad kids cartoons anymore.

 

* * *

 

The next time Avengers and some assorted company gather together, Pepper insists on watching Mulan.

Steve and Bucky are sitting on the medium sized couch with Maria’s legs draped across both of their laps from where she slouches against the arm rest. How someone so short could have legs with such long reach, Bucky’s not too sure, but he is pretty sure Maria’s got half her ass planted against Steve’s thigh, so. At least it means the popcorn is within arm’s reach. And Steve is one of few people that Maria shares food with, which means Bucky gets some too.

“We’ll have to rewatch Tangled some time, Barnes,” Tony says. “So I can explain my genius comparisons to you.”

“You mean my genius comparison,” Natasha says, and Tony doesn’t argue. “Barnes is the perfect Flynn Rider.”

“Sounds like a great name,” Bucky says cooly.

Clint snorts and chucks a piece of popcorn at them. In a smooth motion, Maria leans forward and catches it in her mouth. Natasha and Pepper clap politely in the background.

“This coming from the guy who goes by ‘Bucky Barnes’,” Tony says, mystified. “Why am I not surprised? See, this was why Cap was my childhood hero. Also because my dad never shut up about him, but, you know.”

“I was a Bucky Barnes fan from day one,” Clint proclaims, thumping a hand on his chest and pointing at Bucky. “You were my childhood hero, Bucky Bear.”

Bucky wants to throw something at him, but there is nothing in arm’s reach so he has to settle for a deadpan stare and pulling his legs up to tuck his feet under Steve’s leg, where it’s soft and warm.

“I think Cap was Barnes’ hero too,” Natasha says smugly. “What with how he carried that doll around with him everywhere.”

Frowning, Bucky sits up. That doll had been his loyal, stalwart companion during his week of baby-mania. That doll had been his _second best friend_ , and he doesn’t like the way Natasha was grinning at him. Natasha grinning meant trouble.

“That’s right, where is it?” Pepper asks. Her mouth tilts down at the corners. “You didn’t donate it, did you? You were so attached to it, and it was so sweet! You were always cuddling with it.”

Bucky fights back a grimace, forcing himself not to glance at Steve, who knows that he still has the doll in his bedroom, and is just enough of an asshole to say so. But Steve doesn’t say anything, only twitches his left leg over Bucky’s toes.

“I’ve got it right here,” Natasha says, and Bucky watches in mute horror as she extracts Cap from somewhere.

“Gimme,” Clint says, making grabby hands, and Bucky thinks that those two have spent too much time with each other if they’re picking up these kinds of quirks together. Shifting slightly, Bucky gives Clint a death glare that dares him to so much lay a finger on the doll. Romanoff stealing it is one thing, but Barton is another and Bucky is not afraid of Barton at all.

“I--” Steve breaks off, looking at Bucky. “How did you get that?” he asks instead of the ‘I thought that was in Bucky’s room’ that Bucky assumes Steve reconsidered saying.

“Found it lying around,” Natasha says, all sharp teeth and evil manicured nails. She waves Cap’s hand at them. “Thought I’d keep it.”

“It’s mine,” Bucky speaks before thinking, snapping at her. “Give it back.”

Natasha actually pouts at him. “You don’t even remember how attached you were to it. _Or do you,_ ” she tacks on the last bit in Russian at the end.

There is no glare in the world strong enough to shake the Black Widow, apparently. Bucky silently holds out his hand for Cap. Romanoff only smiles. She is cruel.

“Just give it to him,” Maria says, pulling her own feet up to mimic Bucky’s position. “Him and Steve can have the matched set.”

“I’ll get him a new one,” Tony interjects, seeming like he’s picked up on the silent argument Bucky and Natasha are having with their eyes. Damn Tony Stark for being annoyingly observant and unrepentantly stirring up shit when shit has already been stirred up. “Hell, I’ll buy a whole room full of Bucky and Cap dolls if that’s what gets your rocks off, Tiny Tim.”

‘ _Tiny Tim_ ’, Clint mouths, gaping like a fish before collapsing into small snorts of laughter against Natasha, who shoves him off.

“You took it from our apartment,” Steve says, coming to Bucky’s rescue. He will never complain about Steve’s early morning runs ever again, Bucky thinks fervently to himself, if Steve can get him out of this somehow.

“I couldn’t find that little velcro patch for it,” Natasha muses, ignoring him. “I don’t suppose you know where that went.” The longer she drags the conversation out, the more tense Bucky gets. The rest of the Avengers are now watching with some kind of glee. Pepper had already paused Mulan, and now she was watching Natasha like she wanted to take notes.

“Got ripped up with the baby clothes he was wearing,” Steve says, when it’s clear Bucky isn’t going to answer.

“Bet that was fun,” Clint waggles his eyebrows at Bucky.

“That’s right,” Natasha says slowly, looking like the cat that got the canary. “I saw the fabric scraps in your room, Steve. The baby cot was still in one piece, funnily enough.”

Steve shuts his mouth for a moment, but the flush spreading across his entire face speaks volumes. “He wouldn't go to sleep,” Steve mutters sheepishly.

(“Raise you twenty,” Maria says to Clint in the background. They shake on it.)

“Scratch what I said earlier. I bet that was _really_ fun,” Clint says loudly.

“Is there video footage?” Tony asks rhetorically. “JARVIS, please tell me there's video.”

“JARVIS, don't answer that,” Pepper says crisply.

Bucky, keeping his own gob firmly shut, doesn't rise to any of the bait, but makes the mistake of looking at Barton, who signs, ‘ _naked cuddles_ ’ at him. Removing a knife from a hidden pocket, Bucky signs with his free hand, ‘ _don't test me Barton_ ’, and flicks it open threateningly.

That causes Steve to turn and stare at them both, so Barton puts on his most innocent expression, which only serves to make him look extremely guilty.

“I know ASL,” Maria complains. “Stop cheating, Barton.”

“Barton cheats at everything, including tic tac toe,” Bucky retorts.

“Blatant lies! You have no proof!” Barton says, then pauses. “How do you know that? The only time we played was on the bus ride back from the zoo. And you aren't supposed to remember that.” Clint narrows his eyes, and beside him Natasha exchanges a high five with Thor. “You do remember that! What the hell?”

The living room erupts into noise, everyone trying to speak at once; then, just as abruptly, lapses into complete silence. Bucky fidgets in his seat.

Thor is the first to speak up, and his face is serious. “I thought you were all aware of this.”

 _Shit_ , thinks Bucky, already trying to figure out damage control. Shit damn mother fuck goddamn it _all to hell._

“Aware of this?” Tony says in horrified disbelief. “He wouldn’t have gotten off so easily earlier if I’d been aware of this! I would’ve--”

Pepper coughs pointedly.

“--had words with him! Very stern, authoritative words, I say. Bad Baby Murderbot.” Pepper gives him a scolding tsk. Tony huffs and crosses his arms over his chest.

“To be honest I’m not sure why you guys didn’t figure it out sooner,” Natasha says neutrally, as if she hadn’t just sold Bucky out to the entire Avengers team by starting this whole mess.

Steve raises both eyebrows at her, as though to say, _You knew?_ , and Bucky wants to shake him and say _Of course she knew you idiot, she knows everything, she probably figured it out in ten minutes._

“I mean, I knew from the minute he chose cuddling Rogers over Pepper and I,” Romanoff continues, and she is horrible and he is never going to live this down--

“You were just ... just ... using Captain America for cuddles!” Tony exclaims outlandishly, pointing a finger at Bucky and waving it around in his general direction. He then half-glances at Pepper, as though to gauge whether this was an acceptable jab. Pepper giggles and Tony looks unbearably pleased.

Bucky, fighting to remain stone-faced, stares back at Tony without blinking, ignoring the hole Steve’s trying to make in the side of Bucky's head with the sheer force of his confused gaze. Sitting up, Bucky presses his leg against Steve’s leg nervously.

“He's not denying it,” Natasha helpfully points out, and Bucky is so not watching Russian soaps with her ever again.

“I bet Sam is going to be pissing himself that he missed this,” Bucky mutters, and is gratified to hear Steve snort beside him, knocking their knees together like normal.

Thor frowns at them, as though he can’t understand how they hadn’t known. At least Bucky can attribute Thor’s knowledge to some strange space alien thing and not just insanely creepy observation skills like with Natasha.

Next to them, Maria giggles. “Cuddle manipulation,” she says. “That is the most ingenious plan I have ever heard of.”

“It wasn’t like I got turned into an infant by choice,” Bucky points out grumpily.

“Well, you sort of chose to become Sergeant Cuddles!” Tony says. “Not that I’ve got anything against cuddles, but you know, cuddling Cap here was a choice you made, and you’ve got to like, own up to that. Kumbaya.” Tony does jazz hands.

And well. He’s kind of right, so Bucky has nothing to say to this either, and Steve is sort of looking at him funny so Bucky stands abruptly, snatches Cap from Natasha’s clutches (she lets him, probably because she already got what she wanted in outing him) and disappears into the elevator.

“So,” says Clint. “Are we going to finish watching Mulan without Bucky?”

 

* * *

 

Steve comes up a while later, having given Bucky the chance to cool his heels. Bucky’s got the Cap doll perched on the bedside dresser, the little blue cowl pulled over its face. He’s not sure exactly what he means to say yet, so he just sits down next to Bucky, the two of them shoulder to shoulder on the floor, leaning against the side of the bed. Bucky twitches a little, then presses against Steve’s side.

“You know, uh,” Steve begins. “You can ask for things. If you want them.”

Bucky nods and huffs a short, frustrated breath. His face flickers through a myriad of emotions as he struggles for words. “It was just nice,” he says, simply, finally, and Steve can understand that.

“It was nice,” he tells Bucky. It had allowed Steve to get rid of some of the anxious pressure he’d been feeling, the constant worry over Bucky. They hadn’t had to worry over Bucky’s constant fear of failing the expectations he thought Steve had of him. They’d just been together, and they had looked after each other like they always had.

The hand next to his bumps fingers against his palm. Steve wraps his hand around them and squeezes. Leaning over, Bucky presses his face into Steve’s hair and breathes.

That night the Cap doll moves in with the Bucky Bear in Steve’s room, and its owner does too.

 

* * *

 

(Two days later Natasha figures it out, and two days after that Clint loses forty dollars and ten tubs of ice cream to Maria Hill.)

 

* * *

 

Some weeks later, Bucky is enjoying the latest episode of Gossip Girl on his laptop, lounging in normal pyjama pants and a t-shirt, a bowl of ice cream in hand. The credits are rolling when he hears Barton slip into the room. Barton is not as quiet and sneaky as he likes to think he is, but Clint doesn’t register as enough of a threat for Bucky to pay him too much mind.

There are some noises in the kitchen, followed by Barton shuffling into the living room. Bucky hears him stop behind the couch. His breathing sounds a little funny.

Just as Bucky is about to turn around and ask him what the hell he wants, Barton sticks out his hand, promptly bops Bucky on the head and shouts “GOOSE!” before making a break for the stairs.

A litany of curse words fall from Bucky’s lips as he jumps to his feet. “I’m gonna kill you, Barton,” he says, jamming his metal hand in the closing stairwell door. Smart of him not to go for the elevator, where Bucky surely would have caught him.

“Then _Buck_ up and come chase me, boy wonder!”

Clint has a death wish, fine, Bucky is only too glad to assist.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic just kept growing and growing in my head, and then two months later i had 15k worth of bucky snark and bad puns.
> 
> my next fic is going to be more serious and also stucky-centered, so subscribe to me if you wish :)
> 
> come find me on [tumblr](http://peggycarter.tk) to prod me about my WIPs and scream at me about stucky and sebastian stan.
> 
> update: lovely fanart drawn by [ Liondragon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Sameshima_Shuzumi/pseuds/Liondragon) can be found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8507473/chapters/19497175) !!!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [ART: Baby Bucky and Doll Cap](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8507473) by [Liondragon (Sameshima_Shuzumi)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sameshima_Shuzumi/pseuds/Liondragon)
  * [A Little Man and a Little Lady](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9148045) by [turnedtosteel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/turnedtosteel/pseuds/turnedtosteel)




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